Guilty as Charged

I stand before you and I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. So help me... I have abused Pro Tools. I have used it in ways that are extremely inappropriate. I have made it do things that are against the laws of nature and decency. I have made criminally terrible bands sound as if they could actually play their instruments. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you may as well lock me up and throw away the key, because I know that I will do it again. I do not want to be this monster, recording a band whose drummer DOESN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO USE HIS KICK DRUM, SO HE JUST DOESN'T USE IT! I don't want to let him get away with it by tapping in bass drum hits with my finger and a mic, and then replacing it with a sampled hit. I don't want to be that person. True story, by the way.