End Rant #22

2002: Antares introduces the band modeler plug- in and rackmount unit. It is able to process 24 tracks of audio through "group synthesis" and rearrange songs into the styles of the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Pavement, Devo and many more.

2005: Brian Eno finally admits to being a musician.

2007: The Apples in Stereo violently seize control of Ocean Way studios in LA and return it to the glory days of early Beach Boys' recording technology.

2010: No more analog tape is available to the public. Nobody in Nashville notices but riots ensue in New York and LA.

2013: Computers still don't sound as good as an Ampex MM-1200.

2017: The "unknown-till now" Phil Spector- produced Shellac sessions are released by Touch and Go records.

2020: CDs are nearly wiped out, replaced by credit card sized memory slips with 500K/200 bit- encoded audio. Purists claim CDs sound truer to the music.

2032: Shure sells its one billionth SM 57.

2038: "Recording Karaoke" becomes all the rage as people go out to bars to pretend to be George Martin or Terry Date for five minutes.

2055: The word "Pro Tools" is now in the dictionary, just like "Kleenex".

2073: To celebrate the 100th anniversary of Dark Side of the Moon the quad version is reissued on 8-track and quarter inch reel-to-reel.

2103: Computers start to sound nearly as good as an Ampex MM-1200.

2143: "Retro" recording studios featuring Mackie boards and ADATs are the current fad.

2176: Tape Op magazine folds after turning into Tape Up, a magazine dedicated to unusual uses of duct tape.

2525: Recording studios are effectively eliminated as direct mind-to-audio file links are established. Now music can be thought right into the air or beamed into another's brain, bypassing the ears.

3012: Still no rock recordings have been made that top anything made before 1976.