End Rant #22

2002: Antares introduces the band modeler plug- in and rackmount unit. It is able to process 24 tracks of audio through " group synthesis" and rearrange songs into the styles of the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Pavement, Devo and many more.

2005: Brian Eno finally admits to being a musician.

2007: The Apples in Stereo violently seize control of Ocean Way studios in LA and return it to the glory days of early Beach Boys' recording technology.

2010: No more analog tape is available to the public. Nobody in Nashville notices but riots ensue in New York and LA.

2013: Computers still don't sound as good as an Ampex MM-1200.

2017: The " unknown-till now" Phil Spector- produced Shellac sessions are released by Touch and Go records.

2020: CDs are nearly wiped out, replaced by credit card sized memory slips with 500K/200 bit- encoded audio. Purists claim CDs sound truer to the music.

2032: Shure sells its one billionth SM 57.

2038: " Recording Karaoke" becomes all the rage as people go out to bars to pretend to be George Martin or Terry Date for five minutes.

2055: The word " Pro Tools" is now in the dictionary, just like " Kleenex".

2073: To celebrate the 100th anniversary of Dark Side of the Moon the quad version is reissued on 8-track and quarter inch reel-to-reel.

2103: Computers start to sound nearly as good as an Ampex MM-1200.

2143: " Retro" recording studios featuring Mackie boards and ADATs are the current fad.

2176: Tape Op magazine folds after turning into Tape Up, a magazine dedicated to unusual uses of duct tape.

2525: Recording studios are effectively eliminated as direct mind-to-audio file links are established. Now music can be thought right into the air or beamed into another's brain, bypassing the ears.

3012: Still no rock recordings have been made that top anything made before 1976.