Over the years I've heard artists all tell me the same damn lies during the course of a session. Note that the people in question might just believe they are speaking the truth. It's some odd form of musical brainwashing or group hallucination.

"We've been practicing for months."

"We'll nail all these songs on the first take."

"That was the hard one. The rest are easier."

"All the lyrics have been written."

"We've done a lot of pre-production."

"There's a lot of label interest."

"We sound a lot like _____."

"We really like the sound of ______'s new album."

"We have all the tempos worked out."

"All our guitars have been set up and intonated."

"These drum heads aren't that old."

"I've been taking voice lessons."

"Once I get warmed up we'll blast through these."

"It couldn't be my guitar buzzing."

"But that's my signature sound."

"Of course I can tune my own drums."

"One more pass and I'll nail it."

"No, really. This next take is it."

"I don't know what happened. I could play that in rehearsal."

"I don't know what happened. I could hit that note in rehearsal."

"These string players we're bringing in are really good."

"This guy coming in is an awesome musician."

"I think my part should be louder."

"I think my part should be quieter."

"We don't want loud vocals."

"Our fans want the longest CD we can give them."

"We saved money for a good mastering engineer."

"We won't squash the hell out of this at mastering."

"The label will cover that."

"We'll bring you the check next week."

"Dude, this record will put you on the map."

Tape Op is a bi-monthly magazine devoted to the art of record making.

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